🔗 Share this article

I have just returned from jogging. I’m amazed to write this fact. I think it might have been many years since my last. Yet I recently discovered that my tests indicate slightly high cholesterol, and doctors suggested to engage in vigorous activity regularly.

This is the first time in my existence that my motivation to be active has been my bodily well-being. When I was younger, I ran because I aimed to lose weight. At times I ran to alleviate feelings of anxiety – I was just running away from those feelings, instead of dealing with it. Sometimes, I ran because I sought to improve with jogging. This was the definition to me then to develop a superior lifestyle.

Running for a different reason currently prompted contemplation about the methods I’ve connected with my body throughout my life and the way it’s evolving as I move from youth to midlife. I believe not I’ve valued my physical form, not truly. I’ve prized it only for its roles and the aims it provided: seeking approval; dodging sentiments; running a faster five kilometers. Up to now, I’ve not understood that my body represents me, it is my existence, instead of an instrument for achievements.

A lot has been explored over the centuries about the split of mind and body – which it’s comforting to know, I’ll avoid detailing in this piece. What resonated most fascinating is the Freudian perspective that mental and physical selves are innately connected from the beginning, because bodily growth necessitates mental growth and the reverse is true. The infant’s bodily experiences – for example the bodily feeling of hunger – propel consciousness to develop the ability to recognise hunger as an emotion that may be satisfied by eating; and the psychological solace and satisfaction repeatedly brought by feed after feed feeds the child’s mind similar to the nutrition nourishes them corporally. Similarly mental events – such as the desire to rise and reach for something, and the resolve to attempt repeatedly – are the cause and means physical strength increases. Since infancy, mind and body are interlinked in shared growth as connected as a spiral.

Yet I have noticed, in sessions with my analyst, that my mind and body can be in a different kind of relationship – a more separated and somewhat abusive. My consciousness might utilize my body to store and display aspects that my psyche deems unwanted or unacceptable. During therapy it emerged that exist specific feelings that I fear I cannot bear; in place of feeling these in my mind, I unconsciously shift them into bodily form, where they get stuck as physical symptoms.

I previously experienced this as indigestion – unrelated to food intake, but represented a form of physical reflux of the harsher emotions I failed to handle in my mind. This was not a conscious choice, but after it was introduced to my attention by my analyst, and my fear and sensitivity and frustration and panic became palpable and put into words rather than changed into bodily feelings, it vanished. I seldom experience from stomach problems now.

The worst time I had this intense reflux, I failed to rest for several nights in a row. I felt I was losing my mental stability. I consulted a general practitioner, who arranged multiple scans and tests, but everything was corporally problematic. It was another doctor who suggested that the origin might be emotional. My psychoanalyst concurred. I was surprised, but I also knew it was accurate.

When a patient experiences a bodily issue, they can be offended upon hearing that there might be a psychological cause. They might feel as invalidation, being told that their condition is fabricated. Naturally it’s a real phenomenon – individuals may experience their suffering ignored or misdiagnosed. But in some cases it could be that the bodily signs are genuine – certainly – and the origin is emotional, the unconscious using the physical self to convey emotional hurt or rage or whichever sentiment awareness fails to handle. At times, we might assume our emotions matters solely only through expression through the body. We continually disrespect our psychological well-being personally, collectively and within our culture; why else can we allow the terrible reduction of psychological therapies in public healthcare?

My experiences have revealed that a better life cannot be built while caught without realization in ways of relating, internally and in relationships, that stem from disrespect, use and dealings. These dynamics tend to be simpler to spot “in the world” in the general public. It’s likely harder to think about where they come from, and to see these shapes personally and in intimate connections, in the dynamics of our minds.

However it’s valuable to continue. After donning my jogging shoes back on after such a long decade, heading out not to get a better body, or to eliminate an emotion, or to improve a 5km time, {it